~blooming beautifully~

there has been quite alot of changes made to my neighbourhood... new basketball court, new street soccer area, new playground, new walkway with many sweet smelling flowers being planted... the best part about it is the flower plot behind the bus stop that i usually pass by... =)

at first when i noticed it, it was a plot full of white flowers... as the white flowers wilt, pink flowers bloomed unexpectedly... today when i walked by, i saw a combination of white and pink flowers... *pretty* it really brightened up my nights as i pass by the place... here's a picture (though not nicely taken), i assure u its much prettier in reality... ^^

幸せを感じた

昨夜、彼の家で寝ているうちに、喉が渇くなった。呼びかけると、すぐ彼が起きた。台所へ水を持ってくれた。あのときに、本当に幸せを感じた。

ありがとう。you pampered me.

Wait till you are older~

hm... this movie was some time ago... recommended by fish cuz she said its very nice and touching... indeed, another movie to make me tear... and 1d refused to gimme tissues... he said if he gimme tissues, i sure cry more and he wants me to stop... :s

in the story, this boy hated his father and stepmom for causing his mum's death... so he wanted to grow up and be an adult... he accidentally touch the magic potion of a mystery old man den he started to age very fast... as he grew up, he realised tt it is not that great to be an adult... and he eventually found out the truth his mum was a third party and forgiven his father and stepmom...

for me, i nvr like the idea of growing up... always being said "stop being childish" by 1d, and many other people... i just wanna say i am who i am... haha its difficult to be an adult... to be responsible for monthly expenditures and saving up to pay debts... to learn how to interpret hidden meanings behind everyone's actions and avoid being stabbed in the back by other people... to be able to act serious and get on with the mundane working life... besides, its a life of debts to be living in this place... just imagine if you own a flat and car based on a normal working person's pay, how much do you need to return in order to own such things?

everything is calculated upon money... money money money... do you, for once, look up to the sky to enjoy the ever-changing scenery up there? we missed the days where the clouds are beautiful and grand... we missed the days where we can see the full moon smiling at us... its my own habit of looking at the sky whenever i am off to work and back home... makes me feel happy and for the moment, i forgot the sianness of going to work or the tireness from teaching lessons... we shld find something comforting to keep life going... =)

i just want to be a happy girl... *difficult* i am afraid tt people misinterpret my words and actions... i am afraid tt i would take donkey years to return my loan... i am afraid tt life becomes too boring to carry on... i am afraid tt i wun be able to do the things i wanna do before i die... i am afraid of living on like this till i die... maybe i shld try to be more brave to face these things... even if the sky collapse, i would take it as my blanket... being brave does not mean i cant cry k?

eXpressing~ Myself

i remembered once daniel ever sent me sth very chim over sms... cant exactly recall how it is phrased but it is something like this... thru words is one way that we can communicate our feelings... however, words cannot describe our feelings completely... haha dunno why i was thinking over this sms these days... maybe i am not talking much to other ppl which led to me thinking abt stuffs again... my mouth can stop my brain from working... =p

this is really quite true... if u said the sentence "i am happy", it is difficult for the other party to understand this sentence... there are different types of happy and different degrees of happy... but the more u describe ur happiness, the more complex it gets... how can the other party comprehend ur feeling of being happy? he/she is not the one in ur shoes... at most they could try to imagine how they wld feel if they were in ur shoes... there's always some loss in communicating with one another?

haha i have no idea wat i am writing now...

p/s: hoshi just sent me a clip of song samples from nanase's new album, RUOK? =) its really nice... anyone going japan? ahhh...... YES! mutsumi is going back... heehee~ so happy! dont think it would appear in HMV sg... rem last time i also gotta get sylvia to buy from japan too... :s

wat is the last thing u wld do b4 u die?

that day i happened to be walking aimlessly around kinokuniya just to kill time while waiting for someone... there was a row of books that caught my interest... with the title [1000 places to see before you die]... well, it was really a thick book with fabulous places inside there... whether those that are famous places of different countries and those that were even unheard of to me... describing how beautiful and wonderful it is to be there... i pondered over the title... hm... 1000 places to see... issit really possible to go to these 1000 places before you die? first of all, you gotta make sure you have plenty of money to go there rite? second, you gotta have the time to spend holidaying instead of slogging at work in singapore? seemed rather impossible for most of the ppl...

anyway, issit really important to have visit these places before you die? hm... for me, i guess the most important thing is that i would die HAPPILY... know the difference between children and adults? MoMents are important to children for they do not see the past nor look into the future... they are only concerned about the present... am i FULL now? can i play with my favourite TOY? do my parents LOVE me? once they are satisfied with the moment, they forget that they were once unhappy... like cute little kiren? he was crying terribly when i told him not to hit his mummy... but when i give him a sticker, he came happily to HUG me and SMILE... adults are so troubled because they think alot... they are affected by the past and they are curious about the future... something tt u have done might still be affecting your thinking now, and you might be wondering wat you gonna do tmr and coming months and years... just hope that i would be able to leave this world without worrying about my loved ones and not having any regrets... =) tats why sometimes when i cant think things through or when i am angry, i try to let it go... afterall, who knows when's gonna be your last moment? shld try to stay happy no matter wat rite?

Send a postcard to ur grandparents~

last night, i saw a postcard on the table... it is an empty postcard, encouraging people to send postcards to their grandparents... it has a cute picture drawn by a child saying "i love grandma"... how nice it would be if the grandchildren nowadays will send such things to their grandparents... my paternal grandparents and maternal grandpa are no longer with us already... it reminded me that time when i attended my 7th uncle's wedding... my grandparents are no longer around then to preside over his wedding... he said during his speech, i will email ah ma (my grandmother) to tell her about tonight's wedding... everyone laughed but it seemed kinda sad to me hearing this...

if i have the chance to write a postcard to my paternal grandpa, i wanna tell him many things... first of all, i wanna tell him happily that i no longer quarrel and fight that much with my sis anymore... when we were young, we practically fight over EVERYTHING and my grandpa often had to pacify us... i remember when he passed away that night, i dreamt that he told us not to fight and quarrel... i wanna tell him i passed my PSLE, O level, A level and graduated from U already... i wanna tell him i am now a big girl already... i wanna tell him everytime i see people selling roasted chestnuts on the street, i always remember that he removed the shells for me even though he barely had any teeth left... everytime i see people peeling skin of the buns, i remembered he did the same thing too... everytime i see the knife scar on my finger, i remembered that i cut myself while trying to cut an apple for him... even though he left very early, i held memories of him still...

if i have the chance to write a postcard to my paternal grandma, i wanna tell her many things... i wanna tell her 7th uncle already married and has a daughter... i wanna tell her i already graduated from U and my sis is studying in U too... i wanna tell her that daddy is still smoking... i wished that she could stop him... i wanna tell her that chinese new year does not feel like chinese new year without her... everyone is not as close as before... they sold the old house and i really missed going there sometimes... 6th uncle already moved to china with his wife and i nvr see his daughter before... everything has changed...

if i have the chance to write a postcard to my maternal grandpa, i wanna tell him many things... i wanna tell him that actually we were preparing for a feast on your birthday... 2nd uncle already wanted to come down from KL to JB... 5th and 6th auntie planning to cook a whole lot of nice dishes... mummy asked me to draw a nice birthday card for you... but you left before your birthday... it was just too sudden for all of us... i sprained my leg during that period... i could not follow the group to the burial ceremony... but i wanna tell you grandma was very heartbroken... she could not eat well and cried alot... it was then i kinda understood that its emotionally less painful to die but you left your loved ones heartbroken... but now everyone is getting on well... hope you would bless grandma's health...

suddenly remembered this korean movie whereby there is a very naughty child from city whose grandma living in rurals cared alot about him... he stayed with her for a period and bullied her all the way... but eventually he was touched by his grandma's love and became more obedient... when he left his grandma's house, he prepared postcards of different messages "i am sick" "i miss you" (his grandma is illiterate) so that his grandma can send him messages when he goes back to city... a nice and touching movie...